It's not complicated.

The simplistic unfairness of the gospel is something I've been raised to know like the back of my hand, but is also something I naturally have to remind myself of daily. Why I get to wake up every morning and bask in the faithfulness of my perfect savior even though I fall so short of his glory astounds and perplexes me. I can't full process this unfair truth and I pray the rest of my life will only place me in more and more awe of it. Remind yourself of his faithfulness in the past when you are tempted to doubt it in the future. Seeing Christ in glory is the perfect prize worth fighting for.

Idolizing Image

My life looks so incredibly different than what it was only a few months ago. My surroundings, the people I talk to on a regular basis, the temptations that are ever present. The reality of emphasis put on outward appearance and self image at college is so great it's overwhelming. It's one thing to know the truth that God looks at the heart, but it's another thing to live it. Being surrounded by the lie that our worth is found in something we project, or an image with obtain is exhausting and quite frankly heart breaking. Not simply because it's completely false, but because I recognize that apart from desperately seeking the grace of God daily I believe this lie. Deriving your joy from the false sense of security idolizing self-image brings is detrimental. It is contagious, and it is dangerous. So I challenge anyone reading this the same thing I am challenged by everyday, the same thing Paul challenged the Galations years and years ago. "For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." Galations 5:1.

For the Yearning Heart

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalms 37:4. I used to think this verse means that if I'm buddies with God, then I get everything I want. It's taken years for the Lord to reveal to me just how flawed that thinking is. True satisfaction isn't found in acquiring the deepest desires of your heart, it's in giving those things completely to the Lord daily and watching how your desires slowly change. The past couple months have been a battle of just that, letting go and letting God. The initial bitter frustration of letting go of how I feel, and clinging desperately to the truth of God's promises has resulted in a sweet peace that passed all understanding. Coming into college the natural desires of my heart were anything but filled, yet ironically I was consumed with delight. Experiencing God's work, watching him move in hearts, growing in a desire for the word, being where He wants me to be when he wants me to be, that is where our delight is truly found... not in our own plan of life. We don't have to get what we desire to be filled with delight, but when we pour out our desires to the Lord and delight in HIM, he is faithful to his promise. Yesterday my best friend asked me to be his girlfriend, and today I'm marveling at why God would love such a desperate sinner as me that he would allow this desire of my heart to come true. So in awe of the gospel, and excited to continue seeking hard after the Lord alongside the best guy out there.

Home.

The Lord has done so much work in my head and my heart over the last few days, it would be counter-productive to try and capture it all in a single blog post. Overall though, I am adjusting to college life pretty well. I love having my own room (something I'm not used to), having my own schedule, having school to spend time on, have quality time with friends, experiencing new things.. the list goes on. The biggest thing that has captured my mind though is the faithfulness of God to give me the desire to walk in him. Waking up everyday aware of my failure to be perfect, but overwhelmed by the love of my savior that drives me to seek to live the day for him. It has consumed me, and seeing the fruit that comes from seeking him (contrasting the consequences that are apparent when I choose to live for me) prove all the more that Christ is truly the only thing that satisfies. "For your steadfast love is before my eyes, and I walk in your faithfulness." Psalms 26:3

Be Still.

Today marks day one of classes at KU, but my mind and heart are dwelling on other things. My Pop pop passed away somewhat suddenly from a stroke on Saturday night. I don't understand Gods timing that I am here instead of home with my family, but I trust him. When I was about 7 my Dad and I wrote a song from Psalms 46:10, which Pop pop asked my sisters and I to sing at his memorial service. As it is running through my head consistantly, it is giving me such peace knowing that The Lord IS God. 'Be still and know that The Lord is God, be still and know he is God, you will know he is with you, you will know that he cares, for its clear to be seen in the scars that he bears. He will say come and welcome, it has been done my dear child, you can finish the race now and enter glory reconciled.' Keep my Dad and his siblings in your prayers as we praise our God for his merciful plan over all things.

Purity of the Heart

Everytime I'm in the car driving, I think about this topic. Why? Because of this beautiful 'purity ring' my parents gave me at age 13 is in clear view on the steering wheel. The idea is that the ring serves as a reminder to keep pure until one day when I swap it out with my wedding ring. I love this concept, but the more I ponder and the older I get, the greater the meaning of purity becomes. It's easy as a kid to recognize the do's and don'ts of physical boundaries as a christian, but I'm realizing now that it's so much more than that. Not only my actions, but my thoughts, words, and attitude can either reflect God-honoring purity of a heart seeking after him, or my sinful hearts desires. The bible is so unmistakably clear about putting our sin to death (Colossians 3:5), but it doesn't end at that. We don't fight hard against constant temptation because it's the 'right thing to do', or because it will somehow earn us a spot in heaven or make us holy. Even growing up in a biblically sound church, my deceiving heart often loses sight of why I must fight. This morning as I looked down at my ring I was freshly reminded of a promise in scripture that gives me every reason to. A promise that is sound and reliable, and worth dropping everything else and fighting for... "Blessed are the pure in heart, for THEY SHALL SEE GOD." Matthew 5:8

Ready, Set...

Picture the most important thing about you. Something you treasure, something that you know will never change. Now imagine that you are about to be placed in a battle ground of forces fighting against that very thing, trying to draw you away from it. Like lions in an arena, ready to pounce at your first sign of weakness. You're scared to death because you know how weak you truly are, but you're incredibly confident of the this thing that you treasure. As dramatic as it sounds, this captures the racing thoughts and feelings I have as a prepare to move away to college in two weeks. In addition to being incredibly excited to start this new chapter in my life, I can't help but recognize the unique opportunities I'll have; both good and bad. The fresh temptations that come with independence, the anxiety of entering school after being home schooled my whole life, the reality of being surrounded and immersed in the world. It scares me to think of all the things going against my burning desire to stand firm in the gospel. But as I dig into scripture I remember that when God adopted me as his child he did not give me a spirit of fear, but of power and love. (2nd Timothy 1:7) This gives me confidence and a joy that is not my own as I look forward to the next four years of fighting for the gospel. I've decided to write about it because I have to. I can't allow the work I know God is going to do to be untold. He has given me the most precious gift, salvation from the eternal wrath I deserve in my sin, and I need to share it. So, if you want to read about the stories of a desperate sinner who's doing her best to run after our awesome savior, feel free to follow.