For the Yearning Heart

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalms 37:4. I used to think this verse means that if I'm buddies with God, then I get everything I want. It's taken years for the Lord to reveal to me just how flawed that thinking is. True satisfaction isn't found in acquiring the deepest desires of your heart, it's in giving those things completely to the Lord daily and watching how your desires slowly change. The past couple months have been a battle of just that, letting go and letting God. The initial bitter frustration of letting go of how I feel, and clinging desperately to the truth of God's promises has resulted in a sweet peace that passed all understanding. Coming into college the natural desires of my heart were anything but filled, yet ironically I was consumed with delight. Experiencing God's work, watching him move in hearts, growing in a desire for the word, being where He wants me to be when he wants me to be, that is where our delight is truly found... not in our own plan of life. We don't have to get what we desire to be filled with delight, but when we pour out our desires to the Lord and delight in HIM, he is faithful to his promise. Yesterday my best friend asked me to be his girlfriend, and today I'm marveling at why God would love such a desperate sinner as me that he would allow this desire of my heart to come true. So in awe of the gospel, and excited to continue seeking hard after the Lord alongside the best guy out there.

Home.

The Lord has done so much work in my head and my heart over the last few days, it would be counter-productive to try and capture it all in a single blog post. Overall though, I am adjusting to college life pretty well. I love having my own room (something I'm not used to), having my own schedule, having school to spend time on, have quality time with friends, experiencing new things.. the list goes on. The biggest thing that has captured my mind though is the faithfulness of God to give me the desire to walk in him. Waking up everyday aware of my failure to be perfect, but overwhelmed by the love of my savior that drives me to seek to live the day for him. It has consumed me, and seeing the fruit that comes from seeking him (contrasting the consequences that are apparent when I choose to live for me) prove all the more that Christ is truly the only thing that satisfies. "For your steadfast love is before my eyes, and I walk in your faithfulness." Psalms 26:3